Unemployment is a funny thing…. on one hand you feel badly that you are not contributing financially to your family and on the the other hand you are reminded of all the things in life that have no real price tag attached to them, and you feel guilty that you have been neglecting them while you were employed. For the sake of discussion, here is a “readers digest version” of my life from 18-40.

I started my young adult life with the idea that I had no desire to marry or to have children.  I was going to be a career women… back there in 1975.  I knew that the field then marketed as “fashion merchandising”, was my goal and with that in mind I set out on the path of furthering my education.  I garnered a business degree with an emphasis in marketing.  With that diploma in hand, off to work I went, as an assistant buyer in coats for a chain of department stores.  Coats was boring – so I moved to Cosmetics and more specifically Fragrances.  Soon, I felt the urge to return to my first love of helping people (I had wanted to be a psychology major, but my father discouraged this as it would “never support my single self”) and returned to school for a Masters in counseling and psychology.  Well – the inevitable happened, and I was oh so wrong about being single.  And, REALLY wrong about being a mother. In fact that amazing husband and I decided that I would be a SAHM for our four terrific kids.  Exit two degrees and a career and enter 15 years of being out of the work force.

Ok, before all my gal pals get all worked up … This is NOT a post about all women should be SAHM and women in the workforce do not make good moms.  So, relax… I promise I will stay in my lane… well, I might “drift” a little….

This is a post about women believing the bold faced lie that “you can have it all”. You know what I am talking about – the sales pitch that says you can be a committed wife, mother and employee as well as climb the corporate ladder all while watching your weight, your tongue and your attitude.   I am telling you, that idea is from the pit of hell and smells like smoke!  If you believe this, I have time shares to sell you!  See… I am drifting….

This post is about understanding the sacrifices that must be made in order to accomplish any one of these roles, let alone all of them together.  I want to be honest and say: “Ladies – you CANNOT have it all!”  Go look in the mirror and repeat this to yourself.  Then say it again…Unfortunately, almost all of do our level best to make the “I can have it all mentality” work.  Enter frustration, anger, exhaustion, emotional distress, health issues and on we go down that rosy path.

So what do we females do with our career desires as they conflict with our mommy desires?  I know you are disappointed, but I can’t answer that for you.  I can answer it for me:  we felt very strongly that a parent should have the majority of the influence in the life of a child that we created.  Since my husband was at the beckon call of the church he was serving, the decision was made that I would be that parent. Fast forward 15 years, and this woman has no skills recognized by corporate America, so by necessity, she takes what employment she can find.  Fortunately, it was kid friendly employment. Did I struggle with my self worth as I re-entered the workforce? Sure!  Did I get paid far less than I was worth?  You betcha! Was it worth it? Without a doubt, unequivocally YES!  There are many things in my life that I look at and say “if I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently”… but this is not one of those things.

Somehow I knew that the sacrifice of my own needs to the needs of my family were ultimately more important for us as a unit.  Somehow, I pushed through the self doubt, the poverty (yes we were considered poverty level- so don’t say “wish I could have afforded to stay home with my kids…”), and the criticism from other women for “degrading” female worth.  Somehow, I got up everyday and did it all over again.  You know what I mean.

Personally – I would have been a horrible working mom.  The years I did work while raising kids, I was only in positions that did not require me to give that much of myself – so I was still emotionally and physically available for a lot of the time.  But as soon as I took a job that was more career oriented – well, suffice it to say that the struggle to be present in both worlds was very difficult for me.  I do everything with all that I have – and seriously, you can’t give it all to two different cultures for very long. It was the best thing that I did not pursue a career while raising a family. See…. in my own lane…..

This topic goes on and on and is so emotional for most of us – but for today, I just want to say that the workforce is not always all that it is cracked up to be.   Sometimes, the money in the checkbook isn’t what we really need.  Sometimes the recognition at work does not translate to our home life. Sacrifices are made in our private lives for our career lives and career sacrifices are made to answer first to our family life.  There is no way to have it sacrifice free! You have to decide what the right combination is for you and better yet for your family.

Drifting…. I would just ask you to honestly look at how you handled this in your life.  Don’t chicken out and say “I have no choice we need the money”… look at it from other perspectives.  Be honest and see if you would do it the same way again…. if you had the chance.  The answer for this 1975 career women wanna be… is yes – I would stay at home. And now… well that is where I am!