Nothing brings more meaning to “stay in your own lane” than air plane travel.  In more than one way.  Yesterday reminded me of both the emotional and physical boundaries that are crossed when you share a row in an airplane…. and when you have your Britton “light” on… the one that says, please tell me all of your joys, sorrows and secrets.  Yes… we often have random strangers bring us into their confidence.

Wichita to Chicago Midway:  I had the pleasure (and I do sincerely mean this) to share my row with a young lady who was a Kindergarten teacher at a private Wichita school and an older (than me!) gal from Dodge. Teacher on the aisle, me at the window. As I climbed into my window seat, the teacher and I smiled and say hello and then she returned to her crossword puzzle and I to my Kindle.  Then Ms Dodge …. sat in the middle.  Immediately – she began to bounce her leg and TALK.  God bless America!

Apparently – yesterday was her very first flight – ever.  Unfortunately, a family member had passed away, and in order to get to the memorial service, flying was the best option.  The best options for timing – not for her emotional state. And not for Ms. Kindergarten’s crossword puzzle or the sequel to Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children that was locked and loaded on my Kindle.

There were many questions, “what is that noise?”, “is the plane moving?”, “how will I know when we are in the air?” etc, etc, etc.  Ms. Kindergarten and I carefully answered her questions and tried to keep things light.  We assured our new pal that she would be just fine!  She told us that “everyone said that to her and that she wanted that on her tombstone – here lies Donna – everyone told her she would be just fine”!  I told her that it was actually more dangerous to drive than fly and she said – “well at least I have control in a car – I can’t control what happens here”. She said: “ Oh my gosh, what if it is the pilot’s time? Then we all go with him!”  Followed by: “What if it is my time – I am so sorry if it is my time!”

We finally took off and got through the initial jitters but then, she was afraid to look out the window.  So Ms. Kindergarten and I took turns asking her questions about her and her life.  She is a daycare provider, she has been so for a long time.  She is licensed by the state of Kansas, but she would not recommend this job to people just entering the field as there are too many hoops to jump.  She makes $2.50 an hour per child. $2.50. She has 4 grown children.  Her husband used to teach HS math, for 14 years, then they returned to the family farm to run it.  Her one son continues that today.  Her husband passed away 6 years ago – and she is grateful that he did.

Here is what else we learned about Donna (Ms Dodge): At the age of 52, her husband had triple bypass surgery.  When they were removing him from the machinery so that his heart would begin working on its own again, there was a mistake made and he was without oxygen for some time. She, however, did not know this the day that it happened.  What she did know was that when her husband woke up from the anesthesia, something was not “right” about him.  She said it was something missing in his eyes.  She pressured the Dr.’s to help her identify it and they could not.  Eventually , she was able to get to a specialist and her husband was diagnosed, at 52, with Alzheimer’s. This began a 17 year journey into the abyss of this horrible disease- and 15 years of her caring for her husband, at home.  Somewhere after 10 years of care, he loss the ability to verbally communicate with her. The final two years, she was unable to handle the medical issues while making $2.50 an hour as a child care provider, so she felt forced to place him in a nursing home, even though she had promised him she would never do so.  Even though he “lived” there, each day as she finished with her daycare children, she went to the nursing home, fed him dinner, spent the evening and prepared him for bed.

She was asked to give her husband medication to prolong his life – she refused.  She asked, why would you want anyone to suffer the way that he has had to suffer – for a longer period of time.  She said the only person who truly suffered in this situation, was her husband as he lost himself in this illness.

About a month before he died, he looked her straight in the eyes and spoke to her and asked this question “Why? Why?”.  Donna says that still haunts her today – she says she has no idea what he was questioning, but her guilt for putting him in the nursing home pushed her to believe he was asking “Why did you put me in the nursing home”.  Truly, the question could be “why did this happen?”, “why are you here?” “why am I dying?” or “why did we have ham for dinner?”. Ultimately, the why does not matter, because it was the who that mattered.  Donna and her husband mattered.  They lived out their promise to each other – something many of us do, but not to this extreme.  Donna is a rock star – even if she was afraid of flying.  Donna is an example to all of us of married folks – “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health”.  Donna is Jesus with skin on. Donna is an example to the world – and I am glad that Ms. Kindergarten and I got to share her first flight adventure with her.

BTW  – we told her landing was a gentle touch and a fast brake.  Unfortunately, our pilot felt he should bounce onto the runway – we told her – “regrettably that was not a great example of a landing.”  Thankfully, she was a great example of living.

Tomorrow: Chicago Midway to Raliegh/Durham…