We have all heard this expression before.  We have all been admonished with this saying.  We have all said it to another person.  We have even thought it ourselves.  CONSIDER THE SOURCE.

Just yesterday a friend of mine indicated that someone she knew blocked her on Pinterest.  Pinterest? What in the world are you pinning that someone needs to not see?  We are talking about arts and crafts, recipes and home decor… That is some pretty strong dislike to block someone from your Pinterest page.  I honestly didn’t even know that was possible!

Of course we have all had someone anonymously “unfriend” us on Facebook.  Or not accept our request on other social media sites.  Then there is the old fashioned conversation that contains some outlandish or hateful  dialogue, of which you are the recipient.  I know I have received letters- back in the day – with incredible accusations or unbelieveable statements from someone in my life.  Let’s call that what it is -a letter bomb!

Often, well meaning, caring, supportive folks in our lives say to us “consider the source”.  The urban dictionary gives definition to this expression by saying:

another way of saying that any information received from a certain source can’t be taken seriously because that source has been wrong before, or lacks credibility.

Some people say that you should decide from whom and when to take input seriously.  Does this person have a right to speak into your life? Has this person earned the responsibility to interact in your direction?  Sometimes the answer is yes – but often times, and what this expression is alluding to – is NO they do not have that right/responsibility.

I don’t want to talk about those in our lives that we should be listening to, I want to talk about people outside of that “circle of trust”.  People who are acquaintance friends or work friends. And our day to day is made of exponentially more outside the circle than inside the circle.  Like the Pinterest blocker.  Consider the source.

Just yesterday, I had someone misunderstand my intention on Facebook.  Instead of bringing that to my attention in a manner that would  benefit both of us, this person stated their disgust for me and my statement on their wall.  When I saw what they thought I had meant – I apologized – on their wall – and also told them that their  words about me had been hurtful as well.  This person said “ I am sorry.”  Since I had created the post -I felt that it was best for both of us to not have that type of exchange “out there” so I deleted it.  No one needs to see our misunderstanding. I also believed that since we had both apologized, everything was OK between us.  Not so -this person promptly deleted me as their friend.  Consider the source… I know that is what most people, who know both of us, will say.  There will be a long list as to why nothing more than that should be expected from this person. Why is that?

I am not satisfied with that!  And you shouldn’t be either. And here is my premise as to why…

I am concerned about what other people think of me and my motives. And I hope you are too!  Otherwise, we live in a vacuum.  Otherwise, there is never any need for communication, for understanding, for forgiveness.  We should all  just go our merry, flippant way doing and saying whatever the heck we want and forget everyone else.  That is not what we want. I am sure of it. But, instead of working harder at a relationship, “consider the source” lets you release the relationship.  It also puts the burden of the fissure squarely back on the person who didn’t “act out”.  Think about it.  This person who unfriended me – got angry and hit delete.  They absolve themselves of any responsibility in the relationship.  Who is holding the bag?  I am.  My friend who is excluded from another’s Pinterest Boards.  Who is left wondering what the deal is?  Not the deleter that is for sure. This is even more fun when this goes on with family members.

Consider the source lets the other person off the hook. It begs us to assign them no responsibility. We should never expect them to do any better because they are not capable.  We should never expect that they will contribute to our society in a reasonable way.  We should allow them to to continue in their bad behavior.  Sheesh – I am so tired of how awful we are at doing relationships.  Remember folks, I am the one that screwed up here!  I said something that offended another person – it was not my intent – but that was how it was received and that was all that mattered.  It was my responsibility, no matter how harsh she was with me, to apologize.  And I did.  But rather than deal with bumps in the road – it is universally accepted that we should just “consider the source” and allow people to dump these situations back into our lives.

So – don’t consider the source. We need to find a way to hold society accountable. We need to learn how to be polite..  If we continue to demean our neighbors/acquaintances/friends by never expecting more from them, then we will never get more. And since we live our lives in social media, we need to find a way to apply these standards to these mediums as well. Tough assignment.  If you figure it out – let me know….