Somewhere along the line I have led people to believe that I never need their help.  I don’t need anyone’s help. I am self sufficient. I can do all things…. by and for myself.

How did I do this?  

I have no idea…. but this idea holds hands with the concept that people think that my feelings are never hurt.

 Really?

 

Both of these thoughts are completely untrue.  Not to mention crazy.

So what have I done to foster this concept that others have of me?  

I have been self-sufficient. That’s right… I take care of things. I am the one folks look to to get it accomplished.  I am the one that speaks when the rest are silent.  I raise my hand. I share my opinion. I ask questions.

If it needs to be moved, I move it. If it needs to be fixed, I fix it. If it should be painted, I paint it, cleaned, I clean it, mowed, I mow it…. you get the idea.

If something happens that I disagree with, I disagree with it. If I paid for something and I don’t get it – I complain. If you lie to me and I know it, I will ask you to explain yourself. If it is your job and you are not doing it – I will remind you of your responsibility.

 And I expect no less from you.  

And when I fail on my end – I really do try to take ownership of my shortcomings, mistakes or even perhaps my purposeful exposure of you.

Am I out of the ordinary?  I wouldn’t think so!  But I guess there are lots of folks who don’t “just do it”!  Why not?  What exactly is holding you back?

Here is my guess…..and take it for what it is worth.

Yes, some of us are “scared” or “nervous” or “unsure” of what would happen if we stepped out.  But most of society has figured out that it is easier to let the “Cathy’s of the world” take the action step- and then they can take the HEAT as well.  It is better to keep your ideas, questions and actions under wraps, because that way, you are NEVER the target of either failure or someone else’s criticism of you. I think more of us have it in us to step out, but most of us have decided that the cost is too high.

And it is high.  In my case – it leads people to believe that I do not need anything from them.  So when I ask for help – I think that they hear me just thinking out loud, or acting like I am including them in the process.  Nope – sometimes I need help!  So when I ask – please help me…

Please

This weekend I needed help … with this crazy thing called a web page where I post these crazy, out of control thoughts.  And I felt that I didn’t get that help.  This led to a mini meltdown on my part – which then leads to me feeling like I had to beg for help, because maybe the people I asked didn’t really want to help me.  Then, and only then it seems to register with the other person  – “OHHHH – she needs me to do this with AND perhaps FOR her!  

Yup!

I can’t do it all. I am not that talented – trust me.  I can do a lot – just not everything.

Take away?  

If someone in your life seems to be able to handle “everything” remember the truth is they can’t.  T-h-e-y- c-a-n-n-o-t. It is impossible to be that self-sufficient. There is no way one person can do, understand, dominate, manage everything. Listen to them when they ask for help – and believe that if they ask – they need it.

Thank you for the help I received from my family this weekend – primarily my oldest daughter. I could not have figured this stuff out without her.  And she gave me great insight – I needed that!  And thank you to my youngest son who helped me the very first time I asked him.  For some reason he seemed to understand the request immediately.

Together we can accomplish so much more than leaving it up to one person.  So trust yourself to jump in, ask a question, raise your hand, volunteer, state your concerns. I, for one, will appreciate the “help”.  And if you ask me for help, I will do my best to hear your request.