I know you are humming that old Beatles tune right now aren’t you? I have a 70’s mix on my Pandora, and yesterday, I was listening to Yesterday. And yesterday was not a great day for me in some respects.
I have this terrible habit of wallowing in my self pity.
I know, some of you think that I am always positive, upbeat, looking for the sunny-side of life. But, I am not always that person. And in fact, my history is more of wallowing. Maybe not always verbally, but definitely internally.
Like many of us, I tell myself at times, that I am never good enough, smart enough, thin enough, creative enough, rich enough, blah, blah, blah. I am my biggest critic. I used to say “you don’t have to point out my failures, I am fully aware of them and have already punished myself over them more than you ever could”. I don’t tell you this to evoke some kind of pity or encouragement from you – I tell you this so that you see me honestly. After all, I promised to be honest when I write.
However, over time, I have come to a place with myself that I know exactly who I am, what I am good at, what I am able to learn to do and what I have NO CHANCE of ever being able to do. I am confident in my skills and just as confident in knowing where I need others to use their skills in my life! You will not find me taking tests to prove my knowledge (I am a horrible test taker with test anxiety that will always cause me to fail) but you will find me poking my nose into your conflict because I am confident that I can assist you in working “it” out!
All this to say something that is very familiar to many of us:
If God is for me…. you know the rest… who can be against me.
Yesterday, I, once again, was told that I was not the right candidate for a position that I felt pretty good about getting. But, in their eyes, I was not the right fit. I was disappointed to say the least. Why was I disappointed… really? Because I wasn’t the right candidate? No, upon further reflection, I don’t think that is it… The rejection was once again a reminder of not my failings, but of someone else’s vendetta against me. It tore off the scab, one more time, of how other PEOPLE treated me. How other PEOPLE made a conscious decision, with absolutely no performance failures on my part, to take away my earning potential. Not just with that employer – but with future employers.
TODAY – I am reminded – AGAIN (God is pretty patient with me) that no matter who is against me for whatever their reasons are – God had already promised me as his child, that he is for me. That I am the right fit for him. That the God who had the power to create the universe, to raise Christ from the dead and to accept me as his child has the power to work through any given situation in my life too. So come on… I need to get with it and get on that train!
Since February, I cannot tell you how many times this scripture verse has “popped up” on my tablet screen.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Or as the Message puts it:
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
I have wrestled and wrestled with this verse. I want it to say that God is going to make me rich! How about you? Isn’t that what prospering is all about? No…. my friends… it is not… And since I hate to just pull a verse out of context, I have looked at the
surrounding text to get a bit of perspective. No sermon here – but if you look just one verse prior – God says he will do this prospering thing AFTER 70 YEARS! Sheesh… Go look it up!
I love the Message paraphrase where God says “I know what I am doing.” Thank goodness, right? Because I am not always sure I know what I (Cathy) am doing!
Here is my take away TODAY from YESTERDAY:
- Once again, because my heart learns slower than my head, my employers actions against me really have no bearing on me. What does have bearing is that in the circumstance God still has me held tight. Don’t read that to say he has my back… he is not defending me. He is simply holding me. There is no “vengeance is mine” attitude.
- I really don’t want a job, I want the income. TODAY, we have some savings that we set aside that we can use. That was a God thing. When we run out of that… then we will have to trust God to see what his plan is at that point. I don’t like this free falling feeling – it is not how I work. I am a planner. But, God is a better planner. He told me so – he said “hey – I know what I am doing!!!” I have to continue to have my faith grow up here.
- The simple truth is God is for me! God is FOR me.God is for ME. What else is there?
- Prospering comes in so many ways and I am prospering – ultimately I will see that fulfilled in my salvation reward, eternity in the presence of God.
So goodbye YESTERDAY…… because all my troubles seem so far away….
Once again, God used you to speak to me. My Dad has been asking us, well, for years really, to move back to Ohio. My sister and her family would love to have us closer too. I must admit, as I get older, moving back to the country after years here in the DC area sounds nice. And I miss the canning and freezing of fruits and vegetables, and roasting hot dogs and marshmallows around a fire. Emory, on the other hand, was raised in downtown Shreveport, LA, with the smallest community he has ever lived in being Mansfield, OH. We spent 8 straight days with my family last summer and his comment on the way home was that he had seen enough farmland to last him the next 10 years. [smile] However, he, too, is willing to move to OH as he enjoys being with my family. Nate would like to go to Ohio State, so we are also thinking about the in-state vs. out-of-state tuition difference in 2 years. Our biggest hurdle is Emory’s job. He is 63 and knows it would be extremely difficult to find another position at his age (sound familiar?) especially in the Ashland area. Let alone anything at all making even close to what he makes here in DC. What he is hoping to do is keep his current job, but make it a telecommute position as a couple other people in his organization have done that. A few key things have to fall into place for that to be possible for him, so we are praying about this whole situation. Sometimes I think too hard about what has to happen and what WE need to do, then I start to worry, and then God sends me a reminder that He is in charge. Today it is your blog. I am still not sure that the plans we are working on are God’s plans, but I have to believe we are on the right track as we are trying to cover everything in prayer. Anyway, thank you for the reminder that God is LARGE and IN CHARGE.
My only hope as I write is that God is using something that he gives me to say to be meaningful in another persons life. Thanks again for the encouragement as it is cathartic for me to share my thoughts. I will add you and your family to my prayer list – and pray for a clear cut path!