Extroverts vs Introverts…

Everybody is a psychologist today!  Social media is full of “self-tests” for things like you are an orange personality, what color is your aura, are you a people person, what were you in a former life…blah, blah, blah… The one we see a lot is the modified Myers Briggs test that everyone loves to take to find out if you are a thinker/feeler, an introvert/extrovert, intuitive/sensing, or judging/perceiving.    This is the one that gives you a set of 4 letters to label yourself with… INFJ, ENTJ, INFP and so on for 13 more combinations of these traits.  If you are moderately aware of this personality test – I will be honest and tell you that I consistently finish the test as an ENTJ – an extrovert, intuitive, thinking, judging personality.  These words all have definitions – some may not be what you would expect them to be, therefore, if you are participating in this “assessment” I would encourage you to know what the terms mean and how they apply to your life and furthermore, just what this assessment is meant to help you understand about yourself.

Let’s talk about Extrovert vs Introvert. Roughly speaking we use these words to mean this:  an extrovert is someone who has an outgoing personality while an introvert is a shy or reticent personality.  While those definitions are true, the other aspect of these two words are that an extrovert gains their energy from being with people while introverts are energized by alone time.  This is radically simplified – but it is from this place that I am musing about today – and ok, I have “fussed” over this for years if you must know!

I don’t think either of these two types of personalities should get off the hook of life’s responsibilities because they are either an introvert or extrovert. But, you introverts… seem to always get “excused” because you are …. well …. introverts. Extroverts often face criticism for being energized in public, speaking their mind, being expressive, while introverts are allowed to be quiet, and non-committal because they are “shy”.  UGH! As extroverts, we have had to learn to wait our turn in social groups, frame our responses so they do  not feel offensive, share ideas without bulldozing ahead before anyone else is on board, etc.  These restraints are nothing other than MANNERS.  Introverts on the other hand, can say they are coming and not show up, and they can do nothing, say nothing, commit to nothing and we all love these people! Because, ya know, it is just not in them to be a part of what is going on in life.  I say stop hiding behind a label!  It is not polite to say you are going to show up, be involved, do your part and then you don’t. Introverts need manners too!

Now, lets make this picture worse… and make the introvert a man and the extrovert a women and there are tons of repercussions. But I don’t have time for that discussion today…

I have seen this clash in all types of groups. The one that played out over and over again for me was in the local church.  Let me mention, that my preacher husband is an I…an introvert… through and through.  Oh yes, the drama ensued!  It was ALWAYS ok for me to volunteer to be the leader/manager of everything and anything, but it was NEVER ok for me to be the extrovert.  Extroverts need to always reign themselves in…. stop talking, stop acting, stop deciding, stop, stop, stop.  Ummm… hello?  This is so hurtful to those in the extrovert “class”.  No matter how hard you try, you can’t make us introverts! And fairly speaking – the opposite is true as well.  It is hurtful to require the introvert to be the person out front, the one who speaks for the group, the one who takes up the charge.

So – what do we do with this mess? I guess first figure out who you are. Then figure out what those you are interacting with are.  Then openly talk about how both can push themselves in the public arena to adjust their “type” so that at the very least you are each polite.  We need to stop blaming each other for the type of personality we are…..and don’t hide in front of or behind of your personality make-up or allow it to be your excuse for any poor behavior on your part.

Stepping on toes yet? (My dear friend Jean used to say this on Sunday morning to my husband -”Oh Pastor, your message was good today, but you were stepping on my toes!) Come back at me…sometimes I say things to incite a riot.. I mean a discussion.  I would love to hear your take on this!

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