So here is the truth… I haven’t always been this way.  Yup -I haven’t always seen the glass from the full side, or even been grateful to have a glass.  Or as we used to say “glad to have a pot to pee in”. Who in the world was that desperate that they needed to be grateful for the pot? Nope, I have spent many years being the eternal realist  – not the optimist or pessimist – the realist.  I call it like I see it – and if that ventures over into your lane – well, too bad!   Get over it or speak to it – bring it – or as my Spanish friends say “ hold my earrings girl”!! I am not a sissy, not afraid of the  conflict and I am definitely not afraid of the positive change that resolving conflict can bring. I am, however, afraid of roller coasters…. I will ask the question, step into the abyss and venture where sane people would never go. Why?  Because somebody has to, and because change does not happen without some encouragement.

The difference now, and what has resulted in me sharing the “bright side of a situation”, is that I have lived just long enough to experience approaching this life like a bull in a china closet and I have over time learned to tone down my approach.  Some of you are laughing… those of you who only have known me that last 10 or less years are saying… this is toned down???? I know, I am scary for most of you – just think how it must have been 25 years ago lol!

I was once told by my mother, that I didn’t care who I hurt by what I said, that I just said what I was feeling. I responded by telling her that at least I would never have an ulcer!  Ha!

So – what has changed? I am still a realist. I am still very opinionated, still speak my mind, still tread where fools never go – I just have lots of practice at presenting at the right time and the right way. I have found myself in so many situations over the years as a pastor’s wife, a parent, a mom an employee, that not much comes as a surprise to me.  Not much throws me off my pins, so to speak. I pretty much already know the answer or direction that each situation needs to take in order to produce some type of positive result.  By nature, I am the person who can “figure it out” before others and “predict with some reliability” what will happen next – and I was able to do that at 25.  What I lacked then was wisdom.  The wisdom of knowing when to speak, strike or act.  The wisdom of waiting for others to just hang themselves. The wisdom to have enough input prior to the broo-ha-ha that when it all blows up, my confrontation may actually have the opportunity of being heard.  You can’t teach that – you learn it by trial and error.  You learn it by being in the trenches. You learn it by living. You learn it by being hurt. Can you be 25 and have wisdom?  Sure to some extent.  But it takes some years to develop.  And this is a development for you,  not for others.  You are changing yourself – slowly and surely.  This is a self portrait.

The problem is that we want to be received at 25 with knowledge the way we will be received at 55 with knowledge and wisdom.  There is nothing wrong with being 25 and having 55 year old knowledge- and there are many people who do. But we need to balance that with wisdom. We need to develop.  Wisdom has developmental stages just like a baby has developmental stages.  You have to learn to crawl before you walk – or developmentally we are not “quite right”.  We have to learn the alphabet before we learn to read.  There is no shame in that.  There should be no resentment in that.  There should only be  anticipation in that. The anticipation of what I can become. The anticipation of being wise.

We all know the person who was promoted before she was ready.  I had a supervisor once who was a great person. He had tons of knowledge.  He was a hard worker.  He was on the “fast track”.  Unfortunately, that is what happened.  He was fast tracked into positions that he was ready for based on knowledge, but so unprepared for based on wisdom. The result of that type of movement, from my perspective, is a promoted employee who is now stunted in their wisdom growth.  They will be stuck in their professional mindset at this developmental  level of wisdom.  Eventually, this results in poor decisions, that are then covered by blaming and shaming others, or by quickly changing their stance on corporate directions. The old “CYA”. This person, if lucky, may mature within the newly promoted position, but it will take much longer. In the meantime, they will alienate people, frustrate themselves. and may even “drop out” of the corporate structure they are in. The ultimate failure here, is that they become viewed as “untrustworthy”.

The scripture that tells us that “there is a time for…” is so accurate in our employment life.  We tend to be a society that strives for the next promotion, the next level of responsibility, the next pay scale step without honestly asking ourselves if we are emotionally ready. Position and compensation makes us covetous.

At this point in my unemployment, I have asked myself what is it I am looking for?  Do I want to re-enter at the same level of responsibility or might it be wiser to step back and watch for awhile?  Should I continue to strive to advance in my field or should  I turn off the career highway and choose a “job”. Lets be honest – the career part was short lived anyway. I don’t have the answers to those questions right now.  I am not entirely clear as to what this time is supposed to be for – and I need to keep my options open.  I need to look at my return to the workforce a bit more objectively. With a bit more wisdom. I need the realist to be prevalent.
If you could step back right now career wise – what would you tell yourself?  Would you recommend a different path?  Would you recommend the same path with some course adjustments?  Would you recommend just staying where you currently are in order to gain a bit more wisdom and knowledge before pressing forward?  Remember, honesty is the best policy.

And.BTW,  I still don’t have an ulcer.