It seems that the more aggressive I am in my blog writing – the more readers and comments ( on FB – not on the blog itself) I seem to generate.  Last night I mentioned this to my DH – I had gotten a notice from my blog that my “stats were soaring”, bahahaha, and I could only equate it to the fact that I was recently pretty outspoken in one of my posts.  Then this morning, a friend who has been so very supportive of my writing, told me that the posts that are most helpful to her are the ones where I am “brutally honest”.  This has me thinking…. what in the world does this say about me, my readers, my subject matter? What do “we” need when we go to our favorite places to read – what are we looking for – what hole are these kinds of writings filling in our lives.

I of course don’t “know” for certain – and I am confident that some of you will tell me what my writing does for you- but I am going to try and take a stab at this strange phenomenon.

Brutally honest.

What has happened to people telling the truth?  What makes us so very afraid to speak to one another about the reality of life?  Why have we allowed the truth to be compromised?  I am not talking about social truth – like “hey I LOVE your new haircut” or “Is that a new shirt?  I really like it” when in fact we neither love the hair or like the shirt.  We just know that something has changed about the person and we struggle to know what to say, so we say what we think is expected.   So we choose to say something that we think the other person wants to hear.  I mean, after all, if you get a new haircut… not much you can do for several weeks about it, so we want to be “nice”.  Now, I am not supporting rudeness here – we do need to be nice.  Perhaps …. ummmm… say nothing at all? I am not sure why we feel compelled to always speak.  Then we speak with at least a partial untruth.  Again and again.  If the question is not asked – don’t supply and answer – hush up!  BUT – if you are asked – you need to work at telling the truth. And when I say work, I mean to attempt to know the truthful answer and caringly speak it to the person asking.

So this leads me to ask myself, why is what I am sharing “brutally honest”?  I am not offended by this categorization, I just am trying to understand it. Perhaps it is seen as brutal because we don’t do honesty well.  Perhaps it is brutal because we have come to understand honesty as socially unacceptable, not politically correct, even rude.  Perhaps honesty has been removed from the ranks of those who should be honest with you and given over to those who don’t have a right to be honest with you? Kind of like giving child rearing responsibility to the local school… oh wait… did I just say that? Back on track…. honesty…

It is pretty scary to be honest – with ourselves and others.  Honesty presents a risk and for the most part, where others are involved,we are not risk taking people.  We really don’t want to know what others think of us, or what they think of our actions OR be responsible to let the other people know where there is a glitch in their lives.  Now, I am clear about the old “get the plank out of your eye” business – but sometimes, I think we dwell on the safety of our own plank so that we don’t have to risk pointing out the other person’s “speck”.  Just thinking out loud here….

I guess I see honesty as a function of trust.  If we are in a trusting relationship, I should be compelled to be honest with you and you with me.  That is really scary.  But, just like other scary things, (not roller coasters – no one should ever trust those things) once you take the chance and deal honestly with people, you will find that anything less is just not acceptable. That is where I sit.  Some say it is because I like conflict. Nope – I don’t.  What I do like is a clear relationship – one where I don’t have to keep a secret or worry that my input will be negatively received. I want my relationships to feel that they can tell me what they think – be honest.  And just because honesty is spoken, it does not mean that our behavior has to change – it just means we need to see in through the eyes of the one speaking in honesty to us.  Then we get to decide if change is appropriate.

So the next time you are asked “what do you think?”, stop and consider your answer.  Don’t just say what is expected.  Wrestle with your thoughts and ideas and communicate, with care, your honest response.  Tell them how you feel and don’t be apologetic about it.  No attacking of character here, just honest exchange of ideas and feelings. Over time,people will learn to only ask you if they want to truly know AND over time you will be seen as a person that can be trusted for the real truth of the matter.

Join me in “brutal honesty”  – first with yourself, then with those you love and eventually with the society you interact with on a daily basis.  This takes practice, I know I have had to re-tool this over and over again.  But together we will get it and be better people for moving in this direction.
BTW … that haircut…….