I wrote this blog at the end of June, as I was returning from NC and NJ, after my fabulous 3 week visit with my family, but never posted it. Re-reading it today, it is still how I feel, so I felt I could share it.  BTW – this is the writing I was doing as I was almost missing my plane!

The end of a wonderful 3 weeks begins today.  As in most things in my life, I have always tried enjoy the time at hand, live in the moment and attempt to have limited regrets as I complete  my activities or life phases.  I believe firmly in living in the present – even though I struggle to let go of past hurts and have to remind myself daily to not keep working out the future every day.  Stay with the present.  Stay involved in the here and now, the current activities.  So many times in my life, I have firmly clutched what has already passed by and planned for what is yet to come. If that gets out of hand…. then I miss the present.

The present for me is is so empty of responsibility – and that is what I think I struggle with the most.  We all say – I just wish I was free to do what I want, when I want.  That is kind of like wishing to be a grown up when we are 12.  It is never all that it is cracked up to be….never.  No matter what you think something will be- it is not that. It is something else.  I want to believe that when I look back on this time, when things are clearer for me, that I will be able to say that I handled this well and made the most of my time and energy.  Many say – “enjoy this time while you can”  and I am attempting to do just that.  It is just difficult at times when the end of  16 weeks of unemployment is about to become very real.  It is all fun and games when you can make your bill payments and fill your cupboards with food on the income you currently have – what has changed?  Really – as long as these bills are being met – my life is a party!  But the party has to end- and that end is looming over me.  It is like watching a huge shelf cloud in the distance and knowing without a doubt that a storm is going to settle over me.  And unfortunately, I have no basement plan.

I have been diligent in applying for employment, and a first for me is that I have no offers.  I don’t mean that to sound arrogant… just that I am comfortable with the hiring process… and I have almost always been offered the position if I get an interview.  Not true today.  Many positions which I am fully or overqualified for, don’t even offer me an interview invitation. My situation is not helped by my age and gender.  Of course, legally, employers have “say” they will hire any age, gender, race etc, but there are many ways to avoid doing so.  I watch this unfold in each of  my interviews.  The most obvious question is “Where do you see yourself in five years?”. And to be honest, I want to say sitting on a cruise ship with an umbrella drink!  But I restrain myself.

Sure, cloak the real question in the idea of what are your career goals?  Do you aspire to move forward? The real question is “should we invest in a new employee who may retire in 5 -7 years?” Of course they  shouldn’t – not from where they are sitting.  Unless, they can actually get past the idea that those 5-7 years may bring a more consistent and knowledgeable employee to their group. Not likely, especially because what so many employers say to themselves is this: “Who can I get that I can train relatively quickly for the lowest amount of money?” And many employers determine that people with experience  feel they need to be in a pay bracket that employers would like to avoid.

Often, employers wonder why in the world I would be applying for a job where I exceed the qualifications. It seems that many who are currently employed have forgotten that there are still a large number of folks without a job.  Better to be employed slightly below my level of ability or expertise than not employed at all.  However, I think that may be threatening to them. And as I told one employer – better to be underemployed in this position than to be working at a McDonald’s. LOL!!  (From my lips to God’s ears… )

This club of older displaced workers is not a small one.  We are everywhere.  Our life and work experience is discounted, not necessarily intentionally, because we cost too much in one way or another.  Our age or years experience are only respected if we get to stay within our jobs – or are able to slide into a comparable job while still employed – the old adage ” it is easier to get a job if you have a job” is certainly true for this segment of the unemployed.  It is just disappointing to me to see our society disregard experience.  And disregard people once they reach a certain age.  There are many “jobs” out there that I have absolutely no practical experience with – but because I have life experience, I have the ability to transfer my skill set to a new focus or even vocation.  However, that is rarely considered.  I have been asked questions in interviews that say just that.  They ask if I have done this specific task and I have not – but it is a task which can be learned like any other.  Look at the things I have already done…. can my skill level handle the new task that your position requires?  Most likely.  Usually ignored.

Here is the rub for me – while I like working – I am ready to retire.  Many of my friends and acquaintances are retiring.  I would like to be as free as I am right now. I feel as if I have worked for 36 years …. not in the workforce with my own paycheck…. but worked just the same…. and would like to not have to report to anyone anymore. This is not said out of laziness, but out of a desire to live more fully. To continue to do what I have been doing for the past 20+ weeks, making memories. Not haggling with employers. Not investing in the politics, but rather in relationship.  Not attempting to measure up, but rather add up the blessings. All this without the concern of looking for a job.
As time goes on…. I am committed to making the most of this time – however long it may be.  I am still feeling blessed to be here, but I want to honestly say that I am at a loss as to what it is I am heading toward.  Where this road is taking me, and ultimately where it takes my family.  I have just a couple  weeks left to see what I can accomplish with my time and still be getting some form of a paycheck.  Then it is on to Plan B….. anyone know what that might be?  Oh wait….. that is future planning – and I need to live in the present.