Who among you was born grateful?  I know I wasn’t.  I was born demanding.  I was born needy.  I was born with some level of entitlement.  And so were you. Don’t kid yourself.  Don’t lie to the rest of us.  We are not initially equipped with gratefulness. We are initially equipped with selfishness.

 

 

 

We have to learn to be grateful.

I am working on that right now.  

 

This time of reflection in my life has taught me any number of things.  It has also rewarded me with any number of things.  One of those “things” that fits into both camps is this issue of gratefulness.  As a person, a wife, mother, daughter, sister, member of any number of groups in society, I have not always been grateful.

 

 I have often been a part of the “dis” club.  

You know, DISappointed, DIScouraged, DISadvantaged, DISagreeable, DISmembered – ok not really dismembered, just checking to see if you are still paying attention!  You get my point – negativity over positivity.  

 

I am NO believer in the “power of positive thinking” or the whole “name and claim it theology” groups that we see all day, every day.  I have said it before and I will say it again – I am a realist.  But that does not mean I should be a negative thinking realist.  And more often than not, I am just that.  Is this true for anyone else out there? Or do I live on this island by myself?

I am learning that even in what seems to me to be dire circumstances that I can see the facts, and be thankful for the best parts of them.  For instance.  Just last night I pointed out a potential issue at our home.  Not a slight problem, but a problem that if it comes to fruition, is a big, plumbing problem.  My words to my DH were:  “I hate this house.  I never wanted to own this house  and I still do not want to own this house.” My poor husband….

 

A little back story:

 

We live in what used to be the parsonage.  Don’t know what that is?  It is a house that a church owns and the current Pastor of that church is given this house to live in with his family.  Sounds like a great deal, right?  Who wouldn’t want a house for free? Trust me… you really don’t want this in your life and here is why:

• Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE (inside your church and in the world) holds this against you.  The common thread is “wow, wish I had a job that gave me a house for free.  I had to work and pay for mine”. (Think: Oh you are a teacher -must be nice to work 9 months and get paid for 12.) Well – just a heads up, so did we. Have to pay for it. The “value” of the house was always a part of our salary, so in reality, our house payment (and utilities as well) were attributed to our “pay” we just had no say over how that portion of money was spent.  And the remaining amount of cash salary that was paid to my DH was, trust me, much less than what the majority of the church members were taking home AFTER their house and utilities payments were made.  
• This house is lived in by different families, of different sizes, ages and needs, over the lifetime of the house.  So at any given time, we could be living in a house that was either too small, too large, did not meet our physical or health needs, we had too much furniture, not enough furniture…. the list is endless.  A parsonage is not one size fits all.
• Since the owners do not live in this house, the upkeep in marginalized.  Think of it this way – you drive a car that your spouse never drives.  You keep telling him that the windshield wipers are scraping the window.  He says ok – I will take care of that.  You tell him this for weeks.  One day his car is in the shop and he has to drive your car.  He says to you: your windshield wiper is scraping the window. I had to fix it.  That is a parsonage.  The intentions are good – but the follow through is difficult.  Consequently, the house suffers and yearly maintenance/upkeep is minimized. And you feel guilty every time something needs to be repaired.  Must be the way we “use” the house.
• No matter what you do with or in the house – someone or a group of someones is going to not like it.  Holes in the walls, how warm or cool you keep the house, how often you clean, when you mow… this list goes on and on.  And the good people of the church are not shy about reminding you that you are living in their house (that they fail to maintain). Plus… it is usually right next door to the church, so everyone from the church see’s it constantly.

 

So, my house used to be the parsonage.  Used to be, because when the church fell on financial difficulties, we purchased the house.  We were very late to the homeowners game – and felt that the only chance we would ever have of owning a home, was the one we lived in.  And because of the condition of the house (how many of you have 50 year old carpeting in your homes) and the financial need of the church, we got a good deal. So we helped the church and they helped us.  So – here we are with a house that needs quite a bit of work – which we have done a lot of – but still needs  a lot more.  

 

At any point here – are you sensing the slightest bit of gratefulness?  Well you shouldn’t be, because I am not expressing it.  I am not being grateful. I am not feeling grateful.  I am not grateful.  I am bitter. Not a great attribute.

 

So… attitude adjustment…

 

 I have to remind myself today of all the blessings that have come from living in this house. I have to choose to be grateful – not selfish.  I have to name off the great things that have come to me because of this situation. And the best part is – I have had to go through this reminder cycle many times… it takes repeated attempts for me to get this!

 

 

 

 

• We have a place to live – we are not homeless
• We are safe
• We get to control how warm it is and how cool it is
• We have the chance to invest in this home and make it better so that when it is time to sell this house, we have the opportunity to make a profit
• We have tons of space to store all our “stuff” that we seem to treasure so much
• We can do what we want, when we want with our home.  It is our expression of ourselves
• We can have our family reconnect in this place where we have built so many memories, memories that define who we are as a family
• We can share our home with anyone or anything we chose
• We can maintain it in the fashion that we think is best – no one tells us what to be satisfied with
• We can decide when it is time to choose another type of living arrangement by selling on our time table

 

Gratefulness

 

I am not intrinsically good at it.  My guess is that most of us are not.  We have to be reminded and practice gratefulness. Life is much like a coin – one side heads, one side tails.  The coin (life) will always be the coin (life) and we need to DECIDE that there is value in both sides (the head and the tail). Even when the coin flips and we choose heads but get tails instead, we need to accept the beauty that tails offers.   Life doesn’t always FEEL valuable.  Sometimes you have to FIND valuable. You have heard it before – love is a choice not an emotion.  So is gratefulness.  It is a choice.  I can choose. You can choose.  Sometimes we choose wrongly – sometimes rightly. But looking for the good, the blessing, the opportunity is really so much better than just settling for the discouragement.  
I am going to keep on practicing.  Yesterday, I got it wrong.  Maybe today I will get it right. And even if the “potential big plumbing problem” becomes a reality, I am going to keep my chin up, and remind myself to look for something about that situation that I can be grateful for…. of course in the meantime, I am NOT going to be the one using that shower/tub so I can be sure to not be the one in it when it falls through the ceiling into our hallway! And THAT is what I will be grateful for!!