There is this fabulous video on YouTube about a little girl buckling herself into her car seat.  She struggles and struggles. When her dad, off camera, asks if he can he help her, she responds that he should “worry ‘bout yourself!”.  

 

Out of the mouth of babes….

 

While reading a short devotional I am working through, this concept was discussed with married couples.  The idea was that in a marriage, often the partners tend to try and “fix” or “change” the other person.  The attempt is made to modify their partner to meet the others expectations.  This is often met with resistance – wonder why?  Worry ‘bout yourself!

 

Then there is the question of changing any person you come in contact with – at work, in your family, in your social groups.  We say things like: “If they only would blah, blah, blah, they would be so much better off”.  Probably true, but is forcing that agenda going to make that person change?  Ummm … probably not.  Worry ‘bout yourself!

 

Oh, and the parenting thing.  We believe somewhere in the deep recesses of our minds, that when we are entrusted with a newborn, that it is the parent’s job to “make” them into something. We should make them  continually change as they mature so that they are the best addition to society that has happened since sliced bread.  Whoa – is this one an eye opener! Worry ‘bout yourself!

 

Don’t get all indignant yet – especially about the parenting one…. I will get there – just give me a few more paragraphs!

 

I love this video, it is just incredibly cute, but it also reminds me of a huge biblical truth.  The little girl tells her father that he should be doing his job.  Her job is to buckle her seat belt and his job is to DRIVE!  JUST DRIVE!  We could leave it here – cuteness to the max.  Or we could use it to see a life lesson. Guess which one I choose??

 

Jesus told us that we are to clean up our own act before we actually earn the right to tell another to clean up theirs.  What was he saying?  Worry ‘bout yourself!  Seriously – that is what he was saying – just more like this:

 

 “Thou shouldst travail in considering one’s own tribulations in the beforehand of one’s friends and neighbors”

 

Ok- just joking… Jesus didn’t speak King James! And my paraphrase would not pass the scholarly test…

 

This admonition from scripture is often touted in our lives, but how often do we actually attempt to live it out.  It is not calling for no action on our behalf towards the “others” in our lives.  On the contrary, it is calling for ACTION in OUR lives.  Get it together Cathy!  Clean up your act Cathy! Follow MY instructions for your life… CATHY!!  That’s a lot of action!  If, we can move in that direction (and consequently if we are all doing this) think of the change that would take place.

 

 

On the other hand, does this absolve us of reaching into another’s life and attempting to effect a change?

 

No – absolutely not.  Lets look at the spouse scenario.  If I am working at the ACTION that needs to take place in my life, and that action is visible to my spouse, and we talk about how that impacts him/her – there is a good chance that at least change will be considered.  The blueprint of their personhood is already there – it is their response to it that makes the difference.  And guess what, we can’t control another persons response. They have total control over that.  At times they may feel pressured to change because you are demanding it, but unless they can actually desire the change themselves, it is not likely to “hold”.  Then there is this possibility:  if I am working on the ACTION in my life…. maybe the other person does not need to change.  Worry ‘bout yourself!

 

Looking at raising children – are we supposed to just let them find their own way. No… silly.  We are to be placing boundaries, teaching natural consequences, holding them accountable for actions, etc.  But these things are not really “changing” the personhood of that little alien that came out of it mamma.  It is molding it.  (BTW – as you mold, keep in mind that it is highly possible that some other persons alien is going to marry yours – and will thank you or curse you for how you did the molding.) That personhood will emerge and it is up to them to respond to the “take action in your own life” before changes begin to happen.  Again – what happens if we reach out to suggest those changes in their lives by looking at our own changes. Worry ‘bout yourself!

 

 

I was always, and when I say always, I mean every single time, the parent that when asked by our children if they could  – fill in the blank – I immediately said ….. Oh, I know, you think I said something intuitive like “help me understand how this will be beneficial for you?” Well you’re wrong.   I always said “NO”.  I had a plan and their request usually came from outside that plan.  It was an automatic response.  I am not proud of this.  I began to recognize that I did this ….oh,  along about the 4th kid. I am an awesome parent.  BUT – what this taught our children was -no, not go ask your father – he is a smart man, his answer was always “what did mom say?”- it taught them to build a case for their request.  Sometimes it was “let’s make a deal” but most times they analyzed what they wanted, how to achieve it and then how to “sell” it to mom.  Pretty cool outcome in spite of poor parenting!  This continues to be an area that I need to “worry ‘bout myself”. I had to reach a point where I would say to  myself “I want to say no, but just listen to their idea first”.  I decided that I was the one that needed to change.

 

Now – back to changing people.  

 

They will change if we change. That is the only way change happens.  God knew it when he gave us the instruction manual.  He said, take care of that lousy honking piece of lumber in your eye before you go showing someone else they have sawdust in theirs.  And if the other people in our lives don’t change – it is not  up to us to make that happen. That is someone else’s job…  we don’t have the resume to fill that position.  Maybe, just maybe, the fact that we haven’t “changed” is keeping others from changing?  

This is not easy stuff… I am not good at it.  I write this stuff down to hear myself think!  Otherwise, I tend to run around believing I have it all figured out – and I don’t.  Neither do you…

 

So spend a little time worrying ‘bout yourself.  

 

Do what you are supposed to do and maybe that will free up the others in your life to do what they are supposed to do.  Some of us are still struggling to fasten that seat belt- but practice makes perfect.  If you already have your driver’s license  – then just drive!