As a young, SAHM, I rarely felt that I was missing out on social interaction.   I was so busy with 4 kids, a preacher husband, a small church that required so much time in the leadership, being a scout leader, and PTO leader – not to mention the regular stuff all kids are involved in times 4, AND  we had to squeeze in school work as well!  I didn’t have time to wish for more to do or for adult connections outside of the church and the parents of my kids’ friends. I often look back and wonder how I got up each morning…maybe this lifestyle accounts for the burned out thyroid?

 

 

Today, something I miss terribly as a by product of unemployment, is this social interaction.

 

As a result of unemployment, I am now a stay at home…. wife? I stay home for lots of reasons.  One is because I don’t have a regular appointment with an office. Another is because driving costs money – gas, and the places I might go will tempt me with purchases or to go off my diet with some delectable breakfast pastry or some such thing.  Or it is because most of the people I might go somewhere with are … ahem, working.

 

 

I like having a busy schedule – having to watch my calendar to be sure I know what is coming up and where I have to be on any given day. With 6 of us in the house over the years, I had to be organized. Someone had to be on top of each person’s separate commitments, their appointments, their deadlines.  I did this with the proverbial large calendar on the refrigerator.  I even went so far as to assign each of us a certain color sharpie for a short time,  so the visual was quick to evaluate.(Secret… I also try to arrange my spice cabinet in alphabetical order.. until others get into it and mess up my system.)  This way we rarely missed an appointment, production, concert or sporting event.  The rule was, if it wasn’t on the calendar – it probably wasn’t happening – because it was not on my radar.

 

Looking back – I realize that most of my “social group” were the parents of our kids friends.  

And since we had 4 – my group was large. I think this is pretty normal – and lots of parents find themselves in these types of groups.  It worked well for us, because our social (friends) circle at the church we served, by definition has always been limited. That is normal too – it is difficult to be friends with the pastor and his family.  I am grateful for the small group that we had over the years, but as folks move around, the distance creates an additional social struggle.

Therefore, working offered yet another social opportunity. Until February, when the everyday, concentrated involvement of those lives ended because of my termination.  We have tried to keep in touch, being intentional about chatting and getting together – but nothing is quite like the everyday engagement. And I miss the everyday.

 

There are times that I fear what I may become, should I not have the opportunity to work again.  For instance, driving has become interesting for me.  I find that since I do not drive everyday – I am rusty.  I am not in practice and I feel just a bit on edge as I take the wheel.  I also have no idea what in the world is going on in my “neck of the woods”.  Lots of times I will say to my DH – what are they doing over there – and he looks at me like “What?  You don’t know?”. Nope – I don’t get out to see what is being built, what road is closed, what highway is being widened. Ugh.  This makes me feel old. Am I am not old.  Maybe I just feel trapped.

 

 

Maybe I am tired of talking to myself – lol!  Yes – there are times in this empty house that I can be heard having a conversation … with just myself. Some of those conversations are really boring….

 

 

 

So, I look for other ways to be social.  I “chat” online with some of my working friends.  I look into others lives via social media – and when I feel like I should – I comment on what I see.  I look forward to Friday’s as my Subway lunch out with my hubby as well as any errands I have to run.  And I enjoy my Sunday time with our small family at our church.  I try my best to fill my social interaction tank from these things.  

 

Some weeks, that is enough.

 

I have made it a point to be “productive” during this time.  OK – you can read productive to mean busy. And I have been busy with projects.  

I often ask myself, if these projects are necessary or if they are just giving me something to do? Will any of them impact anyone or ultimately change our financial bottom line? Maybe just a little – others seem to have much higher hopes about them than I think are realistic. At least I will be able to say when this is all over – I didn’t sit around doing nothing!  I searched, and created and fought tooth and nail to be productive. And in 10 years, who know what my efforts will translate into in lots of areas in my life.  Socially, financially, emotionally. I do know this for sure – if I do nothing during this time, I am guaranteed that in 10 years I will have nothing to show for it. So, I keep searching.  I keep applying, even though I have this sinking feeling that my employment days are over. Pretty short lived for me. And I keep trying to adjust my social expectations. My perceived need for people. And find contentment in the interaction that I have. This battle will be won too – I have no worries.

Maybe you have felt “out of the loop” at times in your social life.  

I offer you no quick fix, just encouragement that there has to be something that is a take away from that time. A place we grow and adapt. An opportunity to make a better self. One that brings something more complete to the people we mingle with. If you are missing this component of your life today – I feel your pain.  But, like everything else, this “time” will not last forever.  Be sure to take advantage of the growth, albeit probably painful, and become more than you were before…