There are things in our lives that “scream” our name.  For instance:  if you get a meal from me when someone is sick or has had a baby, you most likely will get beans yum yum or pasta in cream sauce.  If you come for dinner at my house, you probably  will be served my version of caesar salad. Thanksgiving always has my idea of sweet potato casserole as well as spinach casserole. Don’t get me started on Christmas Eve treat night! These dishes, and many others, “scream” that I am the one cooking.  They are tried and true recipes that not only my family request, but others ask for as well.  They define me as a cook, as a mom and as a home that gathers around food.  

 

 

Then there are holidays.  

 

Birthdays, Easter baskets and Christmas presents have a pattern that point to who I am as a celebrant.  There are specific decorations, specific routines, and of course – SPECIFIC FOODS. These things, as well as when and how they take place “scream” my name..

 

I wonder what else screams my name?

 

 I am sure there are a number of things that come to people’s minds, and not all of them are positive.  What about how I treat others?  Or the amount of time I listen to someone else’s joys and sorrows? Then there are those that I do not agree with – what is “screaming there?  

 

How about my belief structure? Do I “scream” a consistent faith walk or do I “scream” inconsistency?  Is what I say I believe, what I actually do? Can you trust me to be a person that “works” on my faith in Christ?  

 

We all know people who do not “walk the talk”  no matter what their ethics, morals or faith actually dictates.  They say all the right things, but rarely do all the right things.  They want to appear to be doing the “right” things AND they want the rest of us to do the “right” things as well.  But if you look a little closer, it is easy to see the cracks.  The wolves in sheeps clothing.

 

I am not talking about the process of working hard at living out what you say. I am talking about those that scream one thing and NEVER attempt to live their lives that way.  They are all talk, They are always blowing steam, or full of hot air.

 

One of my largest frustrations these days are folks who “scream” about one thing or another – religion, politics, friendship, you name it – they believe they are being persecuted, they are being treated as less than a person, they are not allowed to have their own belief structure, they think that the boss is being a jerk. They use every platform available to them to blast the rest of the world about how that world has absolutely no right to “criticize” their decisions or actions.  OK – that is fine.  EXCEPT – what is really happening is that in order to “protect” their position – guess what?  They are now the criticising group – they are blasting the viewpoint opposite of theirs.

 

We all know the scenario – one liberal person is angry that the conservative person is “judging their lifestyle” The liberal person speaks up for themselves, but the manner that they speak up in is to judge the conservative person.  The Republican is angry because they think the Democrat is judging their political position. So the Democrat, now judges the Republican.  You and your work mates are friends on social media. Everyone is frustrated with the boss and it is the constant conversation at the water cooler.  Until that night, when some of these same people say the the nicest things to the boss on social media. Sigh…..

 

Where are our brains? Is this the best we can do?  This is how small children behave on the playground.  This is “nana, nana, boo, boo”!  What does this scream?  It screams that society as a whole struggles with being “people of their word”.  And yes, it is hard… to stick to your beliefs AND be able to intelligently debate the opposite view without resorting to “blaming and shaming”.

 

There is an old practice that is utilized in “caring confrontations” and it is this:

 

 

When confronted with a difference of opinion or defending your own position, it is off limits to bring up the other side.  You must only speak about yourself. Your ideas. Your arguments. Only. No mention of anyone else.

 

 

This works with kids too.  Think about Johnny who has been caught doing something wrong.  The first thing he does is point a finger at his sister – she did such and such which made me do so and so. (This behavior goes all the way back to that famous garden….)   Simply say to Johnny: “We are not talking about sister right now, we are talking about Johnny”.

 

Maybe if we learned that as children, we might be able to debate as adults. Disagree as adults without decimating people.  Argue with intelligence and not just emotion. No blaming or shaming others, but rather clearly and concisely speaking out of your position.

 

Let’s stop and think about how we respond to someone that thinks differently than we do. It does not ever mean you need to sacrifice your position, but it does suggest that you may need to really understand why you believe something and be able to substantiate that belief. Ultimately, we will all not agree with each other – this is nothing new.

 

What is “screaming” your name?

 

How are you defined amongst your peers?  Are you a caring confronter or a blame and shamer? If we are all honest, we probably all are some of both and most of one or the other. Stop today and choose. Choose to scream caring confrontation and reject blaming and shaming. Choose to be respectful and people of your word.